Tiptoeing Through The Lilacs (they were really hard to reach)

Sunday morning happiness. I woke up to my phone a little before noon, having slept in enjoying the cool brisk morning spring air. Now I’m sitting here, checking email, Facebook posts, reading news and enjoying coffee. A list of more things to do today than can be done in one day. I’ve decided not to beat myself up over that today. I’ll do what I can and that will be okay.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. In the morning one of my best friend’s son had his First Holy Communion. From there we went to a party at their house. It was so great being with so many people from so long ago that I love so dearly. Being with my friends family, who I adore as if they were my own. She is one of 9 kids, so there were lots of old friends and new children to meet and spend time with. As well as friends from high school. It was so nice being with them all again. From there I went to my Mom’s to celebrate my birthday. Chicken parm, Rigatoni and lots of books and DVDS made for a great birthday. Cutting lilacs and rhubarb, you know spring is here.

Returning late last night in excruciating back pain, I laid down to rest almost glowing after a day so full of love. I think my FB status said I was enveloped in it, and it was great.

Crap, envelope reminds me I still haven’t gotten stamps. Note to self.

Now the question remains, what to do with today. One plan was to sit outside in the sun, near a park or a body of water, and read. I’m embarrassed to say I’m deep into the 2nd Twilight book, approaching the end, and totally sucked in again. For my bday I was given the next 2 books, so now I feel I need to read the whole series. I need to know what happens!!

But it’s cloudy out. Not exactly the perfect day to read in the sun.

Watch a movie with my crazy alcoholic friend who stopped drinking after his day time DWI (still crazy though)? Perhaps. I hate to lose that much time with so little time left before morning rolls around again and it’s time to put on a tie again. (I got a great orange shirt and tie combination for my bday too.) Laundry? No, but a necessity if I want to wear clean underwear to work tomorrow. Clean? Don’t think I have a choice. My refrigerator now has a pulse there are so many living things in there. I think that’s a sign it’s time to clean it out.

No matter what, I will enjoy the day, the relaxation of whatever I choose, and not needing to rush to get it all done. Today is mine, and I’m soaking up as much of it as I can before a crazy week begins.

Speaking of crazy weeks, I turn 36 in 3 days. I’m concerned. Since I began working for the state I’ve said I really hope I’m not there long enough to retire from the state. I feel like if that happens I will have wasted my life. I’m almost halfway through my years with the state now. Halfway to retirement. Halfway to feeling I let life slip through my fingers. Halfway to prostate problems and erectile dysfunction (fingers crossed!!). Sure I’m still pretty, but time does not stand still for the pretty (I should write a book of mantas for pretty people.) I remember being 24 and having an argument with a pseudo friend. I say pseudo friend, because if not for the ties she had to a group of friends, I never would have chosen to be her friend. It came down to putting up with her to avoid fallout directed at other friends. It became more work than it was worth. (Funny how life repeats itself.) I remember this particular person making a comment about me being 35, alone (not single, but alone) living in an apartment with cats. I told her I’d rather be alone at 35 with cats and happy, then with the wrong person just to not be alone. In her mind it was the worst thing that could happen to someone. In mine, it was a reclamation of my right to happiness. Her fiancé was an asshole, but the fear of being alone was greater than her fear of living with an asshole. Now I look back and feel bad for her. I wonder how things have worked out for her in the past 12 years.

It suddenly occurred to me this week that I am 35, living alone in an apartment with cats. It’s not such a bad thing. Not to me. Maybe it would be to her. But I like where life has brought me, and the adventures I’ve had along the way. I am excited about my 36th year. What will happen next? I feel like it can’t be anything but good things. That is exciting, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

So I’m ready to take on another year. I used to have a tradition of writing a ‘Birthday Epistle’ each year. An analysis of the last year, and plan for the next year. Maybe this year, this post will be the equivalent. I don’t think I really need to analyze the last year. I may end up making myself crazy. It was what it was. (That was on purpose, for those who know my discomfort with the phrase ‘it is what it is’.)

So we’re back to today. We’ve gone from planning the afternoon to a full review of the last year and plan for the next year. I hope you were able to keep up.

This is my last weekend being 35. I’m going to enjoy it, sunshine or not. I’ll take a precautionary acid reducer in case things get out of control, you know, too much red sauce or carbonation, and let the day roll over me like water on a duck’s back.

Here’s to another amazingly wonderful year full of surprises. I can’t wait.