Happy Mother's Day

The night of my birthday my sinuses began to get really bad. By morning I had a fever, chills and a full blown infection. I went to urgent care (where I spent 3 ½ hours sitting with a face mask on like a leper) for an antibiotic. He took me out of work until tomorrow, and I went home to sleep. It seems I’ve slept most of the time since then. It put a real damper on the rest of my birthday celebration week. I am just now starting to feel normal (as normal as normal can be for me) so this will be short and sweet as I need to return to bed and prepare to return to work tomorrow.

I’ll begin with Mother’s Day. The card I got said something along the lines of all the hard work Mom put into to trying to make me normal and that at times I’m sure she wonders about how I turned out, and on the inside it said “but imagine how I would have turned out if not for all the things you did for me”. It was cute and funny, but struck a chord. I’ve always appreciated what my Mom did for me growing up, but not until this year have I been grateful for it. The past 6 months and the fiasco with my brother has definitely pointed out to me how lucky I was growing up. I know things weren’t perfect, and I often wished things had been different. But considering the options, and the situation I was born into, I am so grateful for such a strong woman who took charge of her life and my own to raise me the way she did. Thanks Mom…although I know there are times and things you wish you could change about me, I owe what I am today to you.

Enough mushy stuff, on to the birthday. My birthday itself was great. Surrounded by good friends at work, good food and gifts and lots of cards. Dinner with a friend I love dearly, followed by a softball game. It was so low key and beautiful, I really enjoyed the day. The next 2 ½ days were spent in bed, having fever induced nightmares about vampires and babies. (I really need to finish the Twilight series so I can stop dreaming about vampires.) For 36 hours I kept dreaming about a baby, and when I’d hold it it would talk to me in a man’s voice. One time telling me not to touch it’s back because that’s where the movie takes place. Now I’m afraid for the many many pregnant people I know that one of them is going to have a baby born with a man’s voice.

The vampire dreams are a bit strange too. As I’ve read the series, and watched the movie, I keep thinking in my mind how my ex is my vampire. I won’t go into all the details, you’ll have to read the memoir on the story of us, once I get him to sign a release form! Yesterday we went to Tulip Fest, and he came. I had a hard time even standing, so weak from my sinus infection. But I was able to be surrounded for a good part of the day with people I love, and good friends, both old and new. The ex came too, and it was like old times. It was great seeing him, and as always he and I fell right back into our old roles. When the rain started we headed to Oh Bar, where we found a nice seat on the patio and ran into even more friends (and met a lot of really strange people). At times I was so dizzy and sick I thought I would pass out on the patio, but I sat there sipping my water with him offering to hold my hair back if I threw up. The night wound down and I found myself back in our old house with him, sleeping next to him like nothing had changed. We understand we can’t be together (again, you’ll have to wait for the memoir to truly understand) but we also know that on occasion we have the opportunity to be together, and it may only be once every couple of years, but when the time is in front of us we take full advantage of it. I didn’t sleep much, not wanting to miss a minute of the time we had together. As the sun rose and we held each other tight I couldn’t help but be thankful for the time we had together. As I thought about it today I kept hoping I wouldn’t feel let down now that it was over. But I never did, I just felt warm fuzzies at remembering such a great time, and gratitude for the memory to hold on to.

So all in all I have a lot to be thankful for. Maybe with age I’m learning things like that a little better. Instead of focusing on being sick and having it put a dent into my birthday plans and just life in general this week, I can still sit back and be so thankful for all that I have, and all that I’ve been given.

Life is shitty, I’m not gonna front. (Picture me getting all ghetto as I say that with my finger wagging.) But it’s also amazing. I’m going to focus more on the amazing and not so much on the shitty. Life is to short for shit. You can quote me on that.

Happy Mother’s Day