You Smell Like A French Whore, Son

Today has been a disappointing clusterfuck of a day, which you know if you saw my status on Facebook tonight.

Nothing went right. It ended by closing my eyes at 7 with a sinus headache. I got up to go to the bathroom around 8 after dozing for a while, then next thing I knew it was 10. I woke up and couldn’t believe the dirty dreams I had. When I woke up and realized there was no dirtiness to be had I got up and ate cheese. No, I don’t use food as a substitute, why do you ask?

The test results for that stupid promotional exam we took 6 months ago came out this week. Apparently most people in my office that I know of got their results today, but mine didn’t come. It’s going to make tomorrow torturous waiting all day. Oddly I live closest to Civil Service. Go figure. Most of us took 2 tests, and apparently they sent out 2 separate letters for each test for each of us. No wonder the state has to lay off people and I can’t order post-its, NYS gov’t at it’s most efficient, why send one letter when you can pay to send two. I probably shouldn’t say that. They’re always watching, just like the Easter Bunny.

That wasn’t why today was disappointing, though it didn’t help. Do you ever feel like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum on the inside and trying to find a way to release that without throwing yourself on the floor of the supermarket because you want a lollipop? (Not saying that I’ve done that, but I have…not recently though.)

I’m thinking about adopting a gay kid. I want to be the drunken pill popping Hollywood mother type. I want to say things like “boys don’t make passes at boys who were glasses”. Turn him into a bulimic queeny mess. Is that wrong? Or does it sound fun to you too. Would make a great reality show. Kind of like the Living Lohan show, minus the family of whores.

Speaking of whores, does anyone know what makes a French whore smell different than say a Bulgarian whore? Just wondering why the expression is ‘she smells like a French whore’.