You May Say I Take Creamer, But I'm Not The Only Nun

(if you didn't get it, reread the title singing John Lennon's Imagine, and then put down the weed because it's making you brain dead)

I spend so much time lately writing about Lyme disease, and exclusively about Lyme disease that it really took a while to be able to sit down and write anything that wasn't about Lyme.

The problem is that since it seems the majority of my entire life seems to revolve around being sick now, I don't have much to talk about that doesn't involve Lyme disease.

So I put on the Simpsons, lit a pretty smelling candle, took my 8:00 pills and here I am.

The majority of my pre-Lyme readers may not really have any idea what has been going on with me since it's been over a year since I've really been writing consistently, and things have certainly changed since then.

As I've slowly been pulling myself out of this awful disease, I've taken an active role in Lyme disease awareness. There have been many times I've longed for the "days of old" and being able to make fun of people in an inappropriate way. I've done pretty good at keeping the real me buried just far enough below the surface to avoid pissing off everyone in the Lyme community. But it makes me long for the days when I could talk about a retarded midget without being thought of as an asshole.

I haven't changed, I still think a retarded midget is just as funny as racism, if the story is told properly. I'm still very sick, I spend at least 75% of my time in bed, and 95% of my time in pain. But I've come a long way in the last 13 months, and as I slowly cross that bridge back to "myself", I've gotten to the point of being ready to return to my roots. No, I don't mean the Italians OR the Mormons, I mean blogging about something other than Lyme disease. (For those interested, you can follow my Lyme disease journey, as well as my involvement in Lyme disease awareness at http://lymebites.com.)

Those who know me also know I spent a lot of my time just making fun of the world around me, or at the very least commenting on the crazy shit I'd see every day. But in all honesty, spending the majority of the last year in bed I haven't seen nearly as much crazy shit as I used to. But let me tell you some of what I have seen and observed about my Lyme disease journey that is not fit for print.

First, I'd like to address Preparation H. I don't know what kind of testing you may have done on your products, but there is nothing soothing about your "soothing" medicated wipes. Believe me, the neighbors can attest to this by the screams coming out of the upstairs bathroom. Either your test subjects had perfectly fine assholes, or they were assholes. Either way, it's time you take this product back to the drawing board.

Second, I'd like to address stupid people. The Lyme disease community had just as many idiots in it as the rest of the world, so I've kept just as busy watching stupid people while I've been sick. Because I've taken a position in the awareness community of this disease I tend to keep my mouth shut, but I've learned sick or healthy, there is an ample amount of idiocy in the world. Unfortunately the bacteria carrying ticks do not discriminate, though there were plenty of times I wondered if they did have an attraction to inbred people.

Thirdly, I'd like to point out that we put way too much trust in our medical professionals. I used to party with one of them, hours before he'd go to work in an "emergency" setting. He used to worry about getting a DWI on the way to work. Luckily, that's not necessarily the norm (I really hope it's the exception), but the point being if you are being treated by someone that you feel is clearly a douchebag and reeks of failure, you have the right to say "stop", and demand someone you are comfortable with. Your instincts are usually right, and looking back at my own experience I wish I had stood up for myself when I thought things weren't right. It may have saved me some time and suffering in the past year. I went on a date with a doctor once who slept through his shift because he was too stoned from the night before to wake up. Remember, they are normal people...no different than you, I or the guy at Jiffy Lube. There are amazing people out there, as well as real idiots, but don't go against your instinct just because of the title attached to somebody's name (unless the title involves handcuffs, a taser and a gun).

Lastly, I'd like to point out how funny I think it is how many people have all the answers. But it seems the people who have all the answers, also have all the problems. Did you ever meet someone and within a few minutes of hearing them talk about all they know you want to ask them "if you're so smart, why are you driving a Pinto and have 4 restraining orders against you"? Exactly, so you do know what I mean. (Or maybe WHO I mean.) The more you try to convince someone they are wrong about something, the less sure you start sounding about whatever it is you're trying to convince them about.

I think that will do for today. The good news is the old Eric is coming back to life, slowly but surely. The bad news is the old Eric is coming back to life, slowly but surely. Hold on to your thigh restraints everyone!