Red Is The Color Of The Sun With My Eyes Closed - Dave Matthews

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t really know my way that well around a vagina. I mean I’ve been there, but I wouldn’t be comfortable giving someone directions. Much how I feel about the city of Poughkeepsie. I only bring this up because I seem to be barraged by vaginas lately. (Not literally, I don’t mean they’re attacking me in the street or anything.) I can’t help but wonder what it is about this point in time that is causing the labial flux. I’m not complaining, just curious.

I seem to be having a few moments of clarity tonight. I’m not sure if that’s because the fog has lifted, or the 2 Xanax I took are making me think I’m thinking clear. Either way, I hope you enjoy the ride. Remember the old days of my stoned blogging to music on shuffle? Consider this an updated version. On a sidenote, I am 100% for medical marijuana after this incident. (From here on out we are referring to Lyme disease as the “incident”.) I’ve always been for it recreationally, but being so sick has made me see it in a new light, much the way Homer Simpson did when he realized they even had computers on the internet now.

This brings up a recent story about some pot brownies. You see, my friend (I won’t name names) has learned about vaporizers, and the joy they bring those stoners at heart. It’s some special machine, that doesn’t burn the product, but vaporizes it. Totally different effect. He was told the remnants were still good, and perfect for use in brownies. He tried it and loved it. He was sure it would help me in my next herx reaction. Forgetting I can’t eat wheat, he had to give me the ingredients to use in a gluten free brownie mix. I waited until my next herx came creeping up on me, and decided to try it. Due to the mental fog, and my lack of focus, I paid very close attention to the recipe on the box. I’ve had trouble in the past trying to follow recipes with the problems the “incident” causes mentally. I was so proud of how well I did, having the oven preheated I slid the brownies in, and returned to my room to wait the 25 minutes until they were ready. As I sat on my bed, there staring up at me was the special ingredient I had been given to put in the brownies. I was so concerned with following the recipe I forgot the ingredient. C’est la vie, as they say Frenchlandia.

I can’t help but feel that Lyme disease has made me sexy. It seems I’ve got the mens just knocking down my front door. Where were they all a year ago when I was still functioning? I’m not sure if Lyme has made me sexy or just triggered the sick puppy syndrome. While I think they’re after me, they’re really sizing me up for adoption. Everybody love a cute sick puppy, don’t they? Either way, as long as it results in presents I don’t care what the reasoning is behind it.

And curse you Oreo. How dare you come out with the double stuft Golden Oreo when I can’t eat wheat. I was making homemade double stuft Golden Oreos locked in my room years ago. You could have saved me so much work if you would have marketed these little golden pieces of heaven back when I could have enjoyed them. What’s next, double proof vodka? (Don’t hate me because two of my favorite things are Golden Oreos and vodka. I also like polka dots.)